Sunday, June 15, 2014

Happy Father's Day

I've never given a whole lot of thought to Father's Day. I mean, I celebrated because I had to with my sperm donor, or current stepfather. But I didn't much care about it. When I had my eldest son, Father's Day was sort of a reminder that one day, I would have to delicately explain why he didn't have a daddy like all the other kids. This year is different, and I have someone to be thankful for.

This morning when I sent out a text to B's daddy, and posted on Facebook to wish him a wonderful Father's Day, my brother was perplexed. He wanted to know why, when I'm in the midst of a very painful phase of my grief, I would celebrate Benjamin's dad when I miss him so much. I thought about it for a moment, and the answer was simple. Grief doesn't change anything. Benjamin's dad is still literally the best father I've ever known. He is there for Benjamin and loves him dearly. He gets up at the crack of dawn, actually before that, and goes to work to provide for Benjamin and Drea. He works hard and keeps a roof over their head and provides for Benjamin in a way I never could have. And then after a long day at work, he comes home and gets on the floor and plays with his son. He's not "too tired" to be a father. He's thankful. He DESERVES to be celebrated

I can't explain the gift that is, to know that my son has a father like the father I wish I'd had. I never planned for my boys to grow up without a father. It just wasn't part of the plan, in any fashion. I wanted my boys to have fathers who loved and taught them and watched them grow with pride. I still believe Jack will one day have that. And much to my relief, Benjamin already does. I know today must be amazing for him. He won't be watching other fathers with their sons and feeling that pit in his stomach, or that void in his heart. He has his own little boy to play with and laugh with. He gets to feel that joy and pride. I'm so thankful for that.

I know that better is coming still. I am excited for him, for that day when Benjamin is old enough to come clumsily stomping into his daddy's room, juice and egg yolks dripping closer and closer to the carpet as he brings him the very first breakfast in bed that he made all by himself. It'll likely taste like a science experiment, but I would be willing to bet his dad chokes it down with a smile anyway. I can't wait until Benjamin can run to Jason and tell him "I love you, Daddy. Happy Father's Day". This is only the beginning for them as father and son. It's going to be a true blessing to watch.

Happy Father's Day, Jason. Thank you for being the father Benjamin deserves. and more.