Today, or rather this weekend.... huge firsts for me as a birth mother. I won't lie, I was quite nervous about it. I was afraid of how my first Birth Mother's Day would affect me, even more afraid of my first Mother's Day without Benjamin. A big part of me was certain it would be hard, even though I still have Jack with me. So I prepared myself for a rough weekend
What I got was so amazing, and surprising. Jason and Drea really have no obligation to me. They don't have to show me their appreciation or love, they don't have to include me. But they do. I was celebrated on Saturday, my first Birth Mother's Day. The entire day I had facebook and texts from Drea to tell me Happy Birth Mother's Day and express their love for me. I got to see my little B, who is just growing so fast. I got to go to dinner with them and have a wonderful time. They brought me a beautiful card and flowers. And gave me a personalized gift that means more to me than I can even express. The overflowing of joy and love for them as I read it was unreal. I couldn't help crying as I took it in. How lucky I am that these wonderful people are Benjamin's parents? To have a day JUST to be celebrated for my sacrifice was truly amazing, and I will always treasure this "first". Not something I thought I'd be saying about it, but man am I grateful.
Mother's Day wasn't the horrible day I'd feared. I was prepared to be sad and feel empty all day, to miss him so much I wouldn't be able to enjoy Jack. But that didn't happen. Because of the love and celebration that was given to me the day before, Mother's Day was a joyful day for me. I got to know that because of my choice, Drea celebrated her first year as a mother. She got to hear those primary kids sing about mothers, and instead of fighting tears, she got to cuddle her own son and soak in his spirit. She got to know that in just a few short years, her own little boy will be smiling at her from the front of the room, singing to her. How special is that? She got to wake up today and celebrate, and I am SO thankful for her ability to do so. She DESERVES to be celebrated. She's been that boy's mommy from the moment he was born, even if it took a few months to find her way to him. She is just as much his mother as if she'd given birth to him. And even as I celebrated my blessing and enjoyed my day as a mother, I thought of her, and thanked God for her. And celebrated that Benjamin has a truly fantastic mother.
So I loved this weekend. I loved every moment of it, and there was really no room for grief. Benjamin is where he is supposed to be, and that is cause for celebration. So Happy Mother's Day to the most amazing mother I know.