Saturday, April 12, 2014

Monkey (we'll use this to protect privacy),

Your adoption was final two days ago. A judge signed off on it, and you are officially rocking your parents' last name. You are forever a part of their family and their life, and you fit like a glove. It's like you were always there, always meant to be there. I look at your beautiful little face, and I see your daddy. I see how your eyes light up when your mommy talks to you, how happy you are just to be with her. I saw today how you reached for your auntie, and then for your daddy, because they are the only family you know. You know them, and you love them, even when you can't say the words yet. 

Today you were sealed to your mommy and daddy. You are theirs for eternity, the way it's supposed to be. I wish I could show you just how much I love you. How badly I wanted to be what was best for you, and how much you will ALWAYS have my heart. I'm not your mommy anymore, but my love for you hasn't gone anywhere. I hope that as you grow into the amazing little boy and man I know you will be, that you see that. I hope you see that I chose the absolute best people in the entire world to raise you. You deserve the world, all that life has to offer. You deserve to have a chance. And with them, you do. You are so loved and cherished and doted on... you have the life I always dreamed of for you. 

Someday, when you're old enough to understand, I know you'll probably have questions. I know that you may want to know why, or if I really do love you. You may have to ask those questions a million times before you understand the answers. But you're a brilliant kid, I think you'll understand early. You are one blessed kid, little boy. You have two mothers who love you more than anything in this world, and a daddy who would do anything for you. Not many kids have that blessing. And not everyone has a mommy who loves them as much as yours does. I can see it clear as day whenever I see you two together, and it just makes my heart so happy.

I won't say that it's not hard, that wouldn't be true. It is hard. I do miss you, I think about you all of the time. I wish often that I could hold and kiss you whenever I want. Luckily I get to see you regularly, and get some good cuddles in. Sometimes I cry when I think of your sweet little face. Luckily there as well, your mommy doesn't hesitate to send me pictures of you, and videos of all of the sweet and adorable things you do. Overall, I'm happy for you. So happy. And it's okay to cry, and hurt sometimes, pain and sorrow are a part of life, just like joy is. But the joy outweighs the sadness. And for that I am grateful. So please, just know, I love you so much. And I'm so blessed to be your birth mother.

There will be moments I miss. The first time you tie your shoes, or skin your knee. The first day of school and your first broken heart. But I will still share the moment in pictures, and hear all about it from your mommy. And I will be just as proud of you, because I already am. Even though I'm not your mommy, I will ALWAYS be here. And you will always be one of the most special people in the word to me. 

1 comment: