It's been three months today since I placed. I think back to that day and it seems crazy to me that it's already been three months. It feels like yesterday. I continue to be so thankful that D and J include me in their lives, and in B's life. They have calmed my deepest fears by keeping their word. D is always happy to send a pic if I ask, but I rarely have to. I am able to see pics of him weekly, sometimes more. I see him a lot, and they always make time for a visit if possible. I am able to watch him grow and see what a happy baby he is.
I know that I am so blessed in my adoptive couple. God heard me and knew the kind of people B and I needed. For that I am incredibly grateful.
Even though, as my first couple of entries show, I have my bad days where I wonder how I will make it through his whole childhood without him, most are good. Most days I have peace and clarity, and am thankful God gave me the strength to put our child's needs before my own. Thankful that I was able to stop the hurting J and D felt without a child. That feels good to me, and I'm blessed to be a part of it.
I don't delude myself into thinking it won't hurt a lot as the years pass. But I also know it could be worse. And I thank God, and B's parents, for the blessings of being able to provide better for our son, and still watch him grow.